Bo Burnham Lyrics
"My Whole Family (thinks I'm Gay)"

Every time I time I go to dinner
Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
I can talk, well, they're not able
When I look at them I find
There's a single question on their mind
I wish it could go back to the way it was
It's not easy now because...
My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way
Maybe it's cause of the way that I walk
Makes them think I like...
Boys
That I like boys
The goddamn question just won't go away
And I get asked every single day
But they way they ask it
Is not in disguise
Like, "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
This is the worst, baby,
This was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear
Because,
My whole family now is shocked
I'm in the closet and the door is locked
Now my glory days are gone
I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John
My whole family now suspects
Watching SpongeBob had side effects
I'm not gay and that's what I said
If I'm gay, hey god, strike me dead
*coughing fit*
That's weird
Just cause I'm on the cheerleading team
Or my birthday party had a broadway theme
When I go outside, what do I see?
That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G
Because,
I think that god might think I'm gay
What does he know anyway?
My grandma gave me a present just last year
And the card said "Happy birthday, queer"
My whole family thinks I'm fab
There's a guy's butt, hey Bo, take a stab
Why doesn't he get women? There's no other way
It's cause I'm lanky, not cause I'm gay, all right?
Not cause I'm gay
Just cause I'm afraid of the snow
Or my favorite color is... The rainbow
I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must
Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust
Because,
even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay
Just kidding!
You all probably think I'm gay
Man, this song is counter-productive
La la la la...
Because, my whole family thinks I'm gay
What do they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze
Easy-bake oven was just a phase
My whole family thinks I'm queer
That is all I ever hear
But I've been as straight as a ramp
If you don't count bible camp
Bible camp...
I'm not gay, I swear