I′m malicious, mean and scary
My sneer could curdle dairy
And violence-wise, my hands are not the cleanest
And my temper, and my hook
I've always yearned to be a concert pianist
Can′tcha see me on the stage performin' Mozart?
Tickling the ivories 'til they gleam?
Yep, I′d rather be called deadly
For my killer show-tune medley
′Cause way down deep inside
I′ve got scars and lumps and bruises
Plus something here that oozes
And let's not even mention my complexion
But despite my extra toes
And my goiter, and my nose
I really want to make a love connection
Can't you see me with a special little lady
Rowin′ in a rowboat down the stream?
Though I′m one disgusting blighter
I'm a lover, not a fighter --
′Cause way down deep inside
I have dreams, like you -- no, really!
Just much less touchy-feely
They mainly happen somewhere
Tanned and rested and alone
Surrounded by enormous piles of money