The Lobster Song

The Lobster Song - I first heard this sung at Effingham Rugby Club, Surrey, in about 1976, by a young woman. I resurrected it in 2009 and sung it with the Hastings Shanty Singers. It′s most recent outing was again in Hastings with RX Shantymen. There are many similar versions, like Chinese Whispers they change as they go along.

I went to see a fisherman

I went to see

Have you got a lobster

You can sell to me?

Singing role tiddly ole,

Shit or bust,

Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust

Oh yes I have a lobster

I have two

And the biggest of the bastards

I shall sell to you

So I took the lobster home

And I couldn't find a dish

So I put it in the place

Where the missus has a piss

In the middle of the night

It was just like this

The missus got up

To go and take a piss

Well the missus gave a groan

And the missus gave a grunt

She′s running round the room

With a lobster on her her cunt

We hit it with a squeegee

We hit it with a broom

We hit the fucking lobster

Round and round the room

We hit it on the head

We hit it on the side

We hit the fucking lobster

Until the bastard died

The moral to this story

The moral is this,

Always have a shufty

Before you have a piss

Is this the end?

Is it fuck

There's an orange up me arse

And you can have a suck

Well this is the end

There ain't no more

There′s an apple up me arse

And you can have the core.